it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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