he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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