fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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