not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
