omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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