She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
