woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
