so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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