I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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