There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
