I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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