At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
