Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
