spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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