Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
