Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
