i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
