Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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