Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
