one two three fourrrrnication!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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