He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
3pm strippers are depressing
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
