Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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