i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
