i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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