So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
