I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
