Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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