just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
