he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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