Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
