; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
"it" just moved
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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