and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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