There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
