so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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