Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This house was built for laser tag.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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