Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
