Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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