Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
