about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
