we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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