I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
