Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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