she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
