I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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