Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
