You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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