Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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