I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize