I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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