from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
