New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
