I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
