How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
