Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
