Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
