This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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