I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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