I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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