Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
