If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
