if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
