Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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