I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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