once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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