I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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