Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
