I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
