Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize