Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
