Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
