So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
