so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
