that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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